Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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