I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
