Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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