im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
