And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
