I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
