I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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