So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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