cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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