you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
