He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
