your thong is hanging out like whoa
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
please don't ironically join a cult
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