Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
