okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
