Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
