Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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