You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize