is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
