In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
