38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
