it was like his penis was on wheels.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
