it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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