Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
