You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
