just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
