guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
