I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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