If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
