ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
