marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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