it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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