YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
