I want to stick my p in your. b.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
