we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
