Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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