Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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