another moral hangover. fuck.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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