Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
