I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
