you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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