i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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