I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
