Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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