In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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