evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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