Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
