i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
