no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My balls are so social today.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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