3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
