when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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