Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
