worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Randomize
