i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i came on her dog
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
