what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
