So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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