i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
