areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
