life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
