it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
we should paint friendship bongs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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