THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
