hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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