I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
