Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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