last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
