am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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