does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
