This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
