there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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