Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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