Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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