Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
