WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
