"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
