Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
