The best revenge is premature balding
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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