at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
