A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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