Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
